Does that mean I am those characteristics listed above or opposed to or in favor of those things? I thought I was at the time, but I'm not so convinced anymore. The past ten years I've struggled with balancing who I was raised to be versus the character I'm becoming in my own book. Am I the traditional, one marriage, degree earning, church going, gun owning, Republican minded little individual my parents raised, or am I the crazy, cooky, English degree earning, song writing, creative, pierced and tattooed, crafty, alternative thinking, unitarian, hippie'esque person my life experiences have shaped me into becoming? For years I felt I had to choose one extreme or the other, and if I didn't shape my experiences into wholly supporting one side, I would be cheating on the other.
I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from the unnatural efforts of trying to fit a specific mold fueled by social obligations and expectations from both sides of the spectrum when I was, in fact, a piece of ALL those characters and ideologies. I finally said to hell with it all and surrendered to the fact I might possibly be this unique individual who walks a chicken scratch path of life. Maybe I can be an artist who is not a Democrat? Maybe I can work a 9-5 job but also be perfectly content with never having a "career" or making over $40K/year? Maybe I can be a progressive theologian who also loves and appreciates a traditional Christian services and holidays? Maybe I can love being a small town girl but also despised some of the small minded ignorant ideologies associated with? Maybe I can love shooting a gun and support the right to bear arms but also see the attractiveness of a vegan lifestyle? Maybe I can have a passion for music but not want to pursue it?
You know what? I can. And, it's the most liberating feeling.
"The key to keeping your balance is knowing when you've lost it." -Anonymous
5 comments:
Well said, friend. I think a lot more people than admit can identify with this. Certainly something that I've struggled with (and continue to) for the last 6-8 years. Finally feel like I'm getting into my groove. Kudos.
You get to decide who you want to be, and if it's messy, who cares. We all love you the more for it. You are growing instead of stagnating - it's going to be a wild ride :)
You go and just keep on being a fine blend.
Stalker status just got one step creepier! I am following you now! And I agree with what Christina says..."You are growing instead of stagnating" And that is the best thing of all. And I feel like it if isn't messy and kinda hard then maybe you aren't doing it right. I guess because if it were easy everyone would be doing it.
There is so a "that's what she said" comment in my last comment...
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