It gets easier, but it doesn't get less weird

You'd think after being separated for almost 2 years, probably only saying about 30 words total to each other, knowing an encyclopedia's worth of bad shit about him, and being fully aware of his top ranking douche-bag status that it wouldn't affect me so hard to see him again...but that's not the case. Honestly, I'm not sure what exactly the emotion evoked in me is, but it bothers me that it's evoked to begin with. I don't know if it's hatred, longing, misunderstanding, masochistic emotional torture, confusion, nostalgia, disgust, jealousy, embarassment, or what; I'm sure it's a little bit of them all. I think it's because I still feel like I know the true him the best out of everyone. I'm sure that's not the case, but I'm pretty sure that's why he affects me so much. It embarasses me to even admit this...sshhhhhh, don't tell anyone ;)