Blog Challenge: Day 12

What are you most looking forward to in the next six months?

1. My 30th birthday!  Aug. 10!  I love birthdays...but, I still have no plans.  Hmmmm?
2. My sister and co. are coming to visit late September!  I don't get to see them enough, and I hope my nephew still remembers who I am.
3. My beau has some exciting changes and possibilities on his plate right now, and I'm super pumped for him and how these changes will play a part in his life and our relationship the next months to come.
4. I love Fall...all the holidays...the change of climate...leaves falling...festivals...those first real cold fronts...after work bike rides...
5. Pleasurably drinking beer with the beau at Phoenix again ;-)
6. My girl, O, finishes school out in silly Florida come early December!  I don't know if her future career will bring her back to SA/ATX area, but I selfishly hope it does.
7. I'm hoping to make a trip out to California in the near future to see my dear friend, E's, new home in Long Beach!  I don't get out of TX much unless it's on route to Colorado, so this is a big deal for me.
8. Hank is coming into the world!  I can't wait to see HMK as a mama ;-)
9. Finding out if I will be an aunt to another little girl or boy!
10. And I'm most looking forward to all the cool people I have yet to met, new places I have yet to greet, things I have yet to learn, and experiences I have yet to embrace.

Blog Challenge: Day 11

What's the one thing you would never change about yourself?

I can find an honest connection in almost every person I meet. And, it's a genuine connection.  It doesn't necessarily mean we're soul mates, or destined lovers, or future BFF.  It simply means we're human, and deep down, we're the same, vulnerable, caring human being.  I can "get" what you're going through...despite your job, race, sexual orientation, religious preference, age, etc.  And, if it's a situation I haven't experienced, I can put myself in a hypothetical situation and try to understand in a totally non-judgmental way what you're going through.  I think people feel I provide an emotional safe haven for them, which I hope is true.  That connection I find with people causes them to feel comfortable and honest.  People can "unload" on me and share their dark fears and illogical thoughts.  I feel truly fortunate to be trusted to bear their emotional weight because I completely understand what it's like to be suffocated by your own baggage.

Even when I'm trying to be a badass and say I don't, I do truly care..to a degree of fault, even.  I care about the comfort level of that unknown person left out at the party as much as I care about my best friend's battle with severe depression.  I want those people to know they're never alone.  I know I will continue to connect with people the rest of my life, and my friendships are so rich as a result.

Blog Challenge: Day 9

Describe the best day of your life to date

These kind of topics always make me gag a bit.  Look, I'm not married nor have I birthed a child; therefore, I have no single monumental "best" day of my life.  I've had MANY awesome moments and days, but "best" is a hard order to fill!  And, to choose just one day out of my whole life?!  Ain't gonna happen.

Next!

Blog Challenge: Day 8

Describe "the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" of yourself.

I'm listing my "good" as the last one on purpose...

2.  The Bad:  I'm a bossy know-it-all.  It seems like I've talked about this so often lately, but it's the truth.  The reason I'm a know-it-all is because I'm a natural researcher, prideful, and completely obsessive compulsive.  As soon as I come across something on which I'm naive or ignorant, I'm researching it as fast as I can.  I love learning...my Leo personality has just taken it to the next level of annoyance.

On the positive side, I think I've humbled through the years to where I'm able to somewhat subdue this annoying "back seat driver" trait of mine.  You see, I am my folks' spawn...and they're know-it-alls, too, so, it comes naturally to me.  You should see us all in the kitchen together!  It's a beautiful, chaotic, egotistical mess!  No lie!  We're not faux know-it-alls, either! <--- I'm pretty sure that was me justifying my "bad" as a "good."  See?!  Prideful, prideful, prideful....tisk, tisk, tisk.  I swear, I'm working on it.

3.  The Ugly:  I am a coward fueled by low self-esteem.  Yep, you heard me right.  Only my closest friends probably know about this side of me as I appear to have a very high self-esteem.  That's how it works, though.  Sure, I'm very confident in a few areas, but I'm also very fragile in many others.  One small, quick phrase with no ill intentions meant can be read falsely by me causing me to be shattered and shut down.  Some of the routine self-critical thoughts that go through my head are:

• I'm not worthy of being occupationally successful because it's known I'm a flake.
• I'll never be able to hold down a man because I'm not conventionally feminine or sexy enough; it's just a matter of time before they leave me seeking out those attributes in another woman.
• I shouldn't aspire to change career paths because I'd never be able to commit to it.
• I can't be a mother because I'll automatically turn into a neurotic, control-freak bitch both my husband and kids will hate.
• So-and-so didn't text/call me back, or said that to me, because they hate me.  Why did I ever think they be interested in hanging out with me?
• I can't trust any of my impulses because they must be fueled by my history with Pure-O OCD.
• I could never make a big out-of-state move because everyone knows I'll just come crawling back with my tail between my legs.
• I'll never be pretty enough, smart enough, adult enough, fun enough, cool enough, sexy enough, and so on.  Whatever the situation yields...

As a result, I often feel inadequate, stunted, trapped, and not taken seriously, which causes me to shut down and be a coward.  I absolutely know these bogus feelings and reactions are false, which leads me to...  

1.  The Good:  I'm very honest with myself and self-reflective which helps conceal and control "the bad" and "the ugly."  I know I can be annoying and overbearing as a know-it-all, and I know all these crazy negative thoughts running through my head are unjustified and self-induced.  I'm constantly working on subduing my instinctual reaction to fly in and take over a situation as a know-it-all would.  I'm working on being a better conversationalist so that I listen as much as I contribute.  I'm working on accepting someone's differing approach to a situation as not being inadequate to my approach since I think I know "the best" approach.  I know all those bulleted statements above are a bunch of shit and should not define my life.  I'm working on accepting MY life and whatever it may entail as opposed to the "expected" life I'm supposed to live.  I'm getting better at knowing when I'm assessing a reaction or situation through the lenses of an unjustifiably scared, unconfident woman and kicking my own ass for doing so.  I'm learning to accept my female "conventional inadequacies" as a being a standard for some, but definitely not all.  I'm learning it's ok to go with my gut, now; it's probably not the OCD talking.  I'm learning to not give a shit what people think or expect of me.  I'm learning it's ok to be happy in the life I'm choosing to create.

You know, it's a process, but as long as we're open to putting our pride aside and being honest with ourselves through a little introspection, it's amazing the well-rounded, healthy human beings we can become.  

Blog Challenge: Day 7

Recommend a book for us to read.  Why do you think it's important?

The most mind-blowing and influential class I took in college was Philosophy of Religion.  It changed my life.  I had never thought about these heavy topics in such a dissected, educated, and rational way.  Most people would think a Philosophy of Religion course's purpose would be to debunk all religious theory, the notion of a god, blatantly support Atheism, and so on, but that was not the case.  This book/class actually helped bring me a lot of peace to all those troubling, and often contradictory, religious subjects and theories that are liberally tossed around so carelessly in both casual conversation and heavy debate.  Check out the Table of Contents I included...

I think everyone should read this book so they don't appear so damn ignorant when arguing these heavy religious topics...HAHAHA!

Blow your mind.  Find peace.  Educate yourself by researching both sides of the coin.  Question.  Put on your critical thinking hat.  Be humbled.  Challenge yourself.  Discover where you feel comfortable.

(I added my feet in there for dramatic effect) 

Blog Challenge: Day 6

What's something you've always wanted to do but have not?  

And, why?

1.  Move to Colorado or New Mexico.  Why not?  Well, I'm sure fear plays a major part in this.  That's a big move!  I also don't think I'm unhappy enough here to make the move out there.  I like my life, I like my town, I like my job, I like my friends, and I love being in close distance to my family where weekend trips are possible.  It's a lot to gamble for the exchange of beautiful scenery.  I guess I'm too lazy, too.  Moving is a lot of work!

2.  Start my own business.  Why not?  I'm scared!  I'm not a risk taker.  Honestly, I don't think anyone in my family is.  Just a big puss running around the "what if"s my whole life.

3.  Travel abroad.  Why not?  Money.  To this day, I still do not understand how so many of my peers have afforded to travel, and I have not.  Is everyone putting this stuff on credit cards, or what?!

4.  Get a breast reduction!!!!!!!!!!!!  HAHAHAHA!  No, but really....

Blog Challenge: Day 5

If you could have dinner with any five people, who would they be?

I really don't get into questions like this.  I'm not the kind of person who desires to meet celebrities or public figures, but here's my best shot.  Oh, surprise, they're almost all musicians.

1. Jeff Tweedy:  Simply put, I think he's a musical genius.  He's probably a cool ass dude, too. 
2. Ryan Adams: (leave Mandy at home):  Another musician I want to have babies with.  I mostly admire his lyrical talent.
3. Brad Pitt:  So I could witness the tangible definition of flawless physical beauty.  I have a feeling he's a cool dude, too.
4. Gillian Welch:  My main female musician inspiration.
5. Neil Young:  The best...

That was boring.  Next!

Blog Challenge: Day 4

I have some catching up to do!

4.  What's your favorite childhood memory?

I had this neighborhood friend, Jessica.  We were besties from as far back as I can remember.  In fact, the relationship is probably better coined as adolescent "mentor-mentee"...you know, because I was so wise at 8 years old.  Jessica grew up directly across the street from me; she was a few years younger than me.  She was my neighborhood partner-in-crime, wild child, get-her-to-do-anything, faux student of mine, BFF.  I told Jessica about Santa Clause not being real, the birds and the bees, and whatever else a little know-it-all like myself felt needed educating upon.

So, this one day, Jessica and I were sitting in her front lawn playing with our "sugar babies."  (FYI, sugar babies were a big deal growing up in Dallas at the time.  This site has some good pictures of what a sugar baby is.  Basically, they were hand-painted porcelain heads and hands with a bean-bag type body.  They were pretty realistic in look and feel.)  Being the know-it-all I've always been, I was "mentoring" my little student on the subject of breast feeding...what it was, how to do it, why you do it, and so on.  Jessica was way in to it, as I was blowing her mind at that moment.  Remember, during this lesson we were chillin' in some lawn chairs on her front lawn, and, naturally, an older couple on their evening walk approached us.  As any sweet woman would, she slows her pace and says to us, "Well, good evening, girls...what are you two up to?  Playing with your baby dolls?"  Low and behold, the naive Jessica screams across the street to the woman, "YEAH!  WE'RE BREAST-FEEDING OUR BABIES RIGHT NOW!"  Instantly, I realized I forgot to tell Jessica we should probably keep this little bit of new knowledge to ourselves for a few years!   Needless to say, both the older woman AND I were stunned by shock, and I was mortified.  Hahaha, I can't even remember what her reply was...

See?!?!?  I guess my obsession with reproductive science has been around since the beginning!  Good thing I couldn't get my hands on one of these dolls at the time!!!  Poor Jessica...

Blog Challenge: Day 3

3. Tell about an article of clothing you're deeply attached to....

There they are.  The transition from the first pair of infamous shorts onto the next, and current, pair...the grey ones.  Let me put it this way; I am obsessed with comfort.  No...no, really...I don't think you understand the extent of obsession I'm referring to, here.  Obsession, as in I have two identical pair (I should have more) so I always have a pair available to wear.  Obsession, as in I'm unbuttoning my pants as I walk into my house during my lunch break so I can wear "the shorts" for that measly 40 min. break.  Obsession, as in I dedicate one pair as the "sweat pair" and one as the "lounging pair" in between each wash cycle.  Yes, I will literally go walking/biking in the "sweat pair" and immediately change into the "lounging pair" upon my return and cool down.  Obsession, as in I will wear these shorts OUT in PUBLIC with a nice shirt to accompany them, and I think I'm dressed up.  Obsession, as in I panic thinking about just what exactly I will wear to cover my junk for the 2-3 hours I won't have access to my shorts while they're washing/drying!  Obsession, as in you can see how long and rough I wore my first pair of "favorite shorts."

EVERYONE knows about "the shorts."

Thank God for "yoga-top" anything...they're my go-to back-ups when the shorts are down. 

Blog Challenge: Day 2

2. Write a six word memoir

I'm not too excited about today's writing prompt.  First, I had to google just what exactly a memoir was as the "six word" part was throwing off my previous understanding of the literary term.  The google search did not help clarify the prompt, and only reaffirmed what I already knew, so I went back to the original 15 Day Challenge poster's bog to see an example of what she wrote for this prompt.  Here's what I found:

http://www.lifeofloveblog.com/2012/07/15-day-challenge-day-2.html

Apparently, I am to write a six word sum-up of my life as Hemmingway was once asked to do, so here goes:

"Beware: banana peels on diverged roads."

So far in my 30 years of life, this six word memoir is how I currently interpret life.  As I get older and stay unmarried, I see myself standing at the head of so many options.  As Frost said: two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.  *Side note: I love this poem and it's fluidity no matter how "over played" it is.

Here's my problem: I'm scared of slipping on all the banana peels left behind all these years no matter the road I take.  I feel haunted by social convention, my upbringing (not to say it was bad), expectations, my own fears, and external and internal pressures.  All these worries have peppered my paths in life like banana peels carelessly flung over a shoulder, and it exhausts me.  What if I slip on one, and it results in me making a wrong choice or a choice that's not truly mine?  Sometimes, I wish I would have married and had babies in my early twenties so my options would be somewhat confined within a reasonable margin, and I would have a partner to help in the decision making.

Aside from the random banana peels, I have this to obsess over: ...and that has made all the difference.  Seriously?!  All the difference?!  Uuuugggghhhh!  What if I make the wrong choice?  How will I ever decide knowing the great weight of my decision?!  Why did the damn road have to diverge?!?!?!

I need to seriously grow some balls...and schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist.  

Blog Challenge: Day 1

List 15 fun facts about yourself...

15 fun facts about myself?!  FUN facts?!  Oh hell, I don't know if I can stick to the fun part, but here are 15 random facts, fo sho...

1. I don't have a middle name.  This is always my go-to "interesting or fun fact" whenever I'm asked these question.  To this day, people still think I'm lying about this, but I'm not!  My mom did not give me or my sister middle names.  You see, she goes by "Hollye", but her legal first name is "Robin."  It causes her grief when dealing with records, contracts, legalities, etc., so she said to hell with middle names!  Who really needs one, anyway?  She also figured we would both move our maiden names to our open middle name spot when/if we get married.  I do, however, have an adopted faux middle name given to me by my paternal grandmother.  It's "Elizabeth."
2. My birthmark is on my butt-crack.  Well, at least the last time I checked a few years ago it was.  This caused much confusion and chapped ass as a baby.
3. I am a chronic fingernail biter...CHRONIC!  I've bitten my fingernails for as long as I can remember, and I've successfully grown them out about three times.  My success rate is not high.  I hate it and love it at the same time.  It's grossly unattractive.
   
   
   
   
   
   4.  I've been told I have a pretty thick Southern drawl.  This surprises many people when they first meet me in person.  Ha!  I blame it on my Brownwood, TX roots and being raised in the Dallas area during my early formative years.
   5.  I rarely paint my toe nails becaaaauuuuuse....I believe it "suffocates" the nail resulting in a possible toe nail  fungus, and you do NOT want nail fungus.  That shit is hard to beat!  No, thank you!  I'm slightly phobic about it.  When I do paint my toe nails, I won't leave it on longer than about a week, and then I leave them natural for a good while so they can "breathe."  Ha!  Yes, I put that much thought into many aspects of my life.
   6.  I currently have two fur children I cherish: Fred (lab) and Cinna (GSD).  Fred is old as dirt (15!), and Cinna is sick with bone cancer.  It seems every other day, one or the other threatens to leave me and this world.  It is my current major stress.
   
   

   

   
   

   

   
   

   7.  Culinary is my #1 passion!  I love, love, love everything culinary! I love culinary culture, history, lifestyles, alternative culinary, etc.  I think many people believe music to be my first passion, but it's not.

   8.  I am/was a singer/songwriter.  I used to play and perform much more than I do now, but then I grew up, got a job, and realized I didn't need to play every gig for measly chump change anymore.  It was a cool run, but I don't plan to jump back on that train for a while.
   
   

   

   
   

   9.  I love to swim, ride my bike, and walk/hike!  I have done these three activities for so long, and they provide me so much happiness and peace.  I don't do any three of them in a super strenuous way, but I'm pretty consistent in doing one almost every day.  I'm sure people think I'm slightly nuts as they bump into me swimming while they're tubing the river, or catch me riding my little cruiser bike to the grocery, or honk at me as they see me walking in some random places, but I don't care.  These activities help me mentally relax, bring me close to nature, and provide some exercise.  I look forwards to these little "escapes" every day. 

   10.  I am an "open book" to a fault!  I have no secrets.  None.  Non.  No.  Nein.  I will tell you TOO much.  I love learning about people and making new friends.
   11.  I'm a self-proclaimed know-it-all by fault of being a research nerd and passionately curious, and I have to force myself to restrain from being a "backseat driver" a LOT.  And, I'm not always successful at that. 
   12.  I have an obsession with the pregnancy and birthing process even though I've never been pregnant, had kids, nor sure I want kids.  Simply put, the science of reproduction is wildly fascinating to me.  I'm a 100% weirdo. 

   13.  I also have an obsession with Theology and religious/spiritual culture even though my most consistent prayer to God as of late has been, "Dear God...if you exist...please forgive me for my weakness in faith of your existence.  I know you know I'm trying...that is if you're listening...because you might be real."  I mean, what is that?!  My attempt at insurance?!  Please crusaders and evangelists...no, I don't need your help.  I'm a very spiritual person, but all those details are pretty hazy to me right now.  I currently consider myself a Unitarian Mystic.  For whatever it's worth, I love reading Theological/Spiritual literature.
   14.  My soul belongs in the mountains and high desert.  The end.  Period.  I'm still not sure why I don't live there.
   15.  I believe in birth order and zodiac theories.  Yep, I'm that weirdo.  It doesn't rule my life, but the connections can be quite consistent and revealing.

   
   

   

   
   

   So, basically, I'm a fruit cake!       

July 15 Day Blog Challenge

Sometimes I need outside inspiration to give my writing a little kick in the ass, so I desparately went googling for any sort of "blog challenge" I could find.  I'm not one to set my goals too high, so I went with a fifteen day challenge I randomly came across on someone's blog.

When my life feels so consumed with emotion and anxiety, I have this urgent need to create a Jackson Pollock masterpiece of my inner psyche vomit exploding on paper (errr, screen)!  I wish you and myself good luck these next fifteen days...